I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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