So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
