Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
