Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
