a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
