You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
