wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize