Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
