I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize