You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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