Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
