I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
