Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
