we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize