He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
