I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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