ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
