Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
