He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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