five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
