ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
