Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
