I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
