Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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