I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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