I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
