Only a mothe r could love this liver
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
