She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
