idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
