Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
