So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
