I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize