this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
