I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
