everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize