Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
