My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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