i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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