i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
