When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
