i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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