Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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