life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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