it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
