I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
