I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
