its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
