he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
