u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
