you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
