i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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