I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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