When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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