garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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