I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
