Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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