Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
