it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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