explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
