I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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