I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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