He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
and you fell through a lawn chair
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
