I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
