He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
