Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
