Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
