the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize