You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
