And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think my vagina is haunted
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
