you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
