Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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