its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
