Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
