guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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