dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Barsexuality is the new black.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize