Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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