I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
