What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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