they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
